[ He turns and glances at Peter after his explanation. God. Two whole years, he said. Lost himself for two whole years. Here, Dylan's depressed about a single night. Though less for the night and more what it means for the rest of his life. His hand swipes at the bridge of his nose and he looks up at the starry night. Land of endless night up here in Wintermute. ]
I haven't. I didn't bother trying. Not so sure I can wrap my brain around changing into another creature right now. I don't even know where to begin. You know what you're changing into. What if my familiar form is just...what I turned into already? Only I can do it at will? Who wants that?
[ peter raises an eyebrow, turning to dylan. he's kind of relieved to skip over those blank two years and how he ended up there. ]
Familiars are always animals, so it couldn't be your werewolf thing. They can be weird animals, but they're still animals. I've seen a wolf running around who looks more like he's a chunk of furry night sky, but he's still a wolf. Percy turns into an...eagle, I think? Some kind of raptor, I've only seen it a couple times. Makes sense, anyway, he's a sharpshooter. It's a personality thing, I think--I turn into my wolf because it's part of who I am as a person. But if I tried real hard I could probably be something else. Maybe a cat, I'm a lazyass like that. Anyway, you keep your human mind, some people can even talk. The people who chill up at Baba Yaga could probably tell you more about that, I figured it out by accident on my own, but that's where the magic folks hang out.
[ another drag on the cigarette, and then he holds it out a bit toward dylan, inviting him to share. ]
Which full moon? Last one, I stayed with you. Usually I go out into the forest and run, or let Caleb use me as a backrest until I need to go change back. He's seen it, but it's messy both directions, I always change outside.
[ When the cigarette is offered his way again, Dylan takes it and pulls a sharp drag. Sharp enough to hurt and irritate and elicit a mild cough. And then the irritation is gone. Any discomfort he feels is mended by the fucking curse. With the mood he's in, it's enough to get self-destructive -- to push at the edge of immortality without a single fucking care about his well being. Why else would he be here in the cold without a coat? He's trying to feel alive. Any way possible.
Dylan hands the cigarette back, his lips pursing. The Baba Yaga stuff he'll explore later. In the meantime, he flinches. ]
[ Dylan had been every bit as rowdy as he feared -- growling and fighting and trying to break the chains. Perhaps the only thing that did calm him down was the presence of another wolf. When Peter was there, Dylan actually settled and curled up and slept -- perhaps conceding to another alpha or perhaps simply taking comfort in Peter's presence. Or maybe there was something of Dylan inside of the beast deep down. Maybe he knew Peter's scent and knew he didn't want to hurt him. Whatever the case, Dylan didn't remember it now. ]
I thought you were gonna be out. Howling at the moon or whatever.
[ peter had assumed that dylan knew he was there, given how he'd reacted, and he watches him in silence for a moment before leaning enough to bump their shoulders. ]
I told you I'd be there, so I was there. And yeah, wouldn't really call you a werewolf, but y'know, to each world its own. You chilled out when I was there. Stopped freaking out and settled down. Took a nice nap, actually. There was no mayhem after I poked my nose in. Came up and sat with you, even, once you settled and the rest figured you weren't gonna try and hurt anyone anymore. Caleb fussed a bit, but he trusts me to know what I'm about.
So from here, seems like you did pretty good to me. Nobody got hurt, and my wolf chills yours out for whatever reason. Maybe I'm just a chill kinda guy. You don't remember at all?
[ In the midst of all the depression that followed his transformation, this bit of information gives him an inkling of hope. He glances over at Peter in awe and then belatedly returns his cigarette to him since it's merely sitting there, burning away in his fingers. So there's something about Peter that can keep the worst of his impulses at bay -- that can keep him from hurting others. Maybe the monster inside of him can be controlled after all.
He looks away from Peter and swipes his forearm across his eyes. Dylan isn't necessarily someone who cries very easily. When he's afraid, yes. But he's not the sort to be moved to tears. Yet, fuck it all if this doesn't move him in some way. ]
Fuck. Sorry. Um.
[ He sniffles, swallows the emotion and glances toward a snowdrift. ]
I don't remember any of it. But knowing you could reach me in that state makes me feel like...maybe I'm not entirely lost, yanno? Maybe there's something of me in there. And that it's a real fucking good thing I met you.
[ Dylan reaches out to clasp Peter's free hand, clutching it in both of his as he pleads. ]
So I say this, without a single lick of pride -- I need your help. To figure this out. To get to a point where maybe I don't need to be chained. To regain control of my fucking life. I don't think I can do this without you, Peter...
[ peter lets dylan turn away to hide his tears, but it's not like he was going to comment on them regardless. he's not immune to the powers of a good cry. ]
You're not lost, you just don't know where you are yet. Know that sounds like bullshit, but so does lots of life. Even a vargulf doesn't lose themselves entirely, even if they're not quite there, either. If you'd really, really wanted to hurt someone, you'd have found a way. But you didn't.
[ there's no hesitation as he squeezes dylan's hand, holding the cigarette loosely in the corner of his mouth to put his other hand on top of the hands clutching his own. ]
Course I'm gonna help you. What do you think I've been doing? [ the chuckle he gives sounds almost...shy? embarrassed? clearly not mocking, at least. ] I'm not a hero, Dylan. I'm just a guy who gets wolfy on a regular basis and knows just enough shit to get in trouble and usually mostly out again. But we'll figure it out, okay? We'll figure it out.
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no subject
I haven't. I didn't bother trying. Not so sure I can wrap my brain around changing into another creature right now. I don't even know where to begin. You know what you're changing into. What if my familiar form is just...what I turned into already? Only I can do it at will? Who wants that?
[ A pause as he looks toward Peter again. ]
Where did you go on the night of the full moon?
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Familiars are always animals, so it couldn't be your werewolf thing. They can be weird animals, but they're still animals. I've seen a wolf running around who looks more like he's a chunk of furry night sky, but he's still a wolf. Percy turns into an...eagle, I think? Some kind of raptor, I've only seen it a couple times. Makes sense, anyway, he's a sharpshooter. It's a personality thing, I think--I turn into my wolf because it's part of who I am as a person. But if I tried real hard I could probably be something else. Maybe a cat, I'm a lazyass like that. Anyway, you keep your human mind, some people can even talk. The people who chill up at Baba Yaga could probably tell you more about that, I figured it out by accident on my own, but that's where the magic folks hang out.
[ another drag on the cigarette, and then he holds it out a bit toward dylan, inviting him to share. ]
Which full moon? Last one, I stayed with you. Usually I go out into the forest and run, or let Caleb use me as a backrest until I need to go change back. He's seen it, but it's messy both directions, I always change outside.
no subject
Dylan hands the cigarette back, his lips pursing. The Baba Yaga stuff he'll explore later. In the meantime, he flinches. ]
Oh. So you saw it then.
[ Dylan had been every bit as rowdy as he feared -- growling and fighting and trying to break the chains. Perhaps the only thing that did calm him down was the presence of another wolf. When Peter was there, Dylan actually settled and curled up and slept -- perhaps conceding to another alpha or perhaps simply taking comfort in Peter's presence. Or maybe there was something of Dylan inside of the beast deep down. Maybe he knew Peter's scent and knew he didn't want to hurt him. Whatever the case, Dylan didn't remember it now. ]
I thought you were gonna be out. Howling at the moon or whatever.
no subject
I told you I'd be there, so I was there. And yeah, wouldn't really call you a werewolf, but y'know, to each world its own. You chilled out when I was there. Stopped freaking out and settled down. Took a nice nap, actually. There was no mayhem after I poked my nose in. Came up and sat with you, even, once you settled and the rest figured you weren't gonna try and hurt anyone anymore. Caleb fussed a bit, but he trusts me to know what I'm about.
So from here, seems like you did pretty good to me. Nobody got hurt, and my wolf chills yours out for whatever reason. Maybe I'm just a chill kinda guy. You don't remember at all?
no subject
He looks away from Peter and swipes his forearm across his eyes. Dylan isn't necessarily someone who cries very easily. When he's afraid, yes. But he's not the sort to be moved to tears. Yet, fuck it all if this doesn't move him in some way. ]
Fuck. Sorry. Um.
[ He sniffles, swallows the emotion and glances toward a snowdrift. ]
I don't remember any of it. But knowing you could reach me in that state makes me feel like...maybe I'm not entirely lost, yanno? Maybe there's something of me in there. And that it's a real fucking good thing I met you.
[ Dylan reaches out to clasp Peter's free hand, clutching it in both of his as he pleads. ]
So I say this, without a single lick of pride -- I need your help. To figure this out. To get to a point where maybe I don't need to be chained. To regain control of my fucking life. I don't think I can do this without you, Peter...
no subject
You're not lost, you just don't know where you are yet. Know that sounds like bullshit, but so does lots of life. Even a vargulf doesn't lose themselves entirely, even if they're not quite there, either. If you'd really, really wanted to hurt someone, you'd have found a way. But you didn't.
[ there's no hesitation as he squeezes dylan's hand, holding the cigarette loosely in the corner of his mouth to put his other hand on top of the hands clutching his own. ]
Course I'm gonna help you. What do you think I've been doing? [ the chuckle he gives sounds almost...shy? embarrassed? clearly not mocking, at least. ] I'm not a hero, Dylan. I'm just a guy who gets wolfy on a regular basis and knows just enough shit to get in trouble and usually mostly out again. But we'll figure it out, okay? We'll figure it out.